I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Fuck appropriateness.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize