I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
