Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
