so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
