I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drake has all the answers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
