Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
