i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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