I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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