Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
