i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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