Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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