ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
