I puked a lego.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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