We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My feet surprised me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
