Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
