I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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