yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
