I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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