your parents love me but you hate me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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