have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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