I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
