You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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