I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
