last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
