I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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