you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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