My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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