i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
