I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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