trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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