Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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