I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
