u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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