i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize