So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
