here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
