he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
