I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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