is your mom at the bar?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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