first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
