I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
