I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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