he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize