I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
