I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
