i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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