I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
