he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
