who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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