My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
