did you get engaged???
so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
