you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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