i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Randomize