two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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