Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
