I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
