New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
