someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
