Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
