you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
