I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
