I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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