i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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