just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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