He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
