Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
