there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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