Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
