Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
