I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
