so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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