so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize