i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
