I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
