I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
