i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
