I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize