I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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