Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
