the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
