I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
