I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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