please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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