my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize