I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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