I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
