Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
