Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
