Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
