Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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