You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
