Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His nipple licking is glorious
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