Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
