I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
